I’m going to say that the realization came sometime in Hebrew class, although it might have very well come while panicking about whatever Developmental Psychology test I was taking.
I was going to have a semester of underwhelming academic performances. Moreover, I was going to struggle mostly due to non-school reasons. My classes weren’t exceedingly difficult this past semester. There were a couple challenging ones, but the semester load was manageable.
I struggled this past semester due to emotional reasons. For several chunks of the semester, my mind shut down on me. I tried. I really did, but I often gathered little from Hebrew lectures and could not memorize development theories. I experienced a cognitive disconnect; I experienced anxiety that loomed over my head, and there was about a month of life that I spent having nightmares every night.
Because of strong sad emotions, my mind conspired against me this past semester.
Ha. This semester, I celebrated simply finishing; I celebrated having the courage to complete the broken semester and not running away like my dramatic heart wanted to.
As an ambitious immigrant trying to taste of America’s upward mobility, school can quickly become a means to end: establish prestige so I can land a good job. (Good meaning well-paying and influential.)
This semester forced me to find personal value outside of my grade point average.
This semester pushed me into Grace’s arms and ask if I was still accepted, if I was still wanted, if I could still be used by Him even if I did not graduate with Summa Cum Laude.
His answer, or at least what I think one of God’s answers might be was verbalized through a friend on Twitter:
I am more than my grade point average.
Fellow college student, you are more than your grade point average.
God still accepts, wants, and uses even when brains decide to shut down and completion is all we can celebrate.
And you know what? I think God is right there celebrating completion with us.