"Bryant, you don't have to be afraid of expressing what you wish to God. If the choices you're thinking about is serving Jesus here in this way or serving Jesus there in that way, then why should you be so afraid? God gives you freedom, Bryant. Don't overthink it."
Kessia Reyne Bennett has ministered to my soul in so many ways; when she spoke those words over Skype, I knew she was expressing a great truth although I was not ready to existentially believe it. She spoke those words over two years ago, and I wish I could've been fully embraced them the moment I heard them, but I did not. Even now, I wonder if I truly believe the radical message of freedom. But I know I believe it better than I did then. This semester, certain experiences have pushed me to more fully embrace the freedom Jesus grants.
Like many of my friends, I used to cling to the message of a wicked and deceitful human heart. I used to be terrified of desires, dreams, and wants because I figured there was no way any of them could be legitimate. Whether it was believing God wanted me to suffer and not do what I wanted, or simply being afraid to jinx my dreams, I refused to believe God might be interested in helping me accomplish what I want.
I kid you not. I used to be afraid to speak to my loving and gracious Heavenly Father about what I wanted because, as if He were some sort of superstitious charm, I feared speaking of my wants would jinx them. Now, I realize how disrespectful my behavior was. Now, I realize God has made me holy. The Scriptures clearly speak of the redemption and sanctification of the Christian and last time I checked, it included his or her heart.
I'm no longer afraid to speak of what I want because what I want is to serve Jesus, love people, and be healthy. I know that I want to be in harmony with Him. And what I'm saying is not simple hearsay; in fact, I am putting my money where my mouth is and will be going on a mission trip to Egypt this semester as a demonstration of my faith in this belief. Last year, I would've been afraid because I don't actually have the money to put in my mouth; not this semester though, this semester I am asking God and friends to help me get to Egypt because I want to go speak gospel to my academy friends there.
I have a feeling that God is rooting for me.
If you'd like to root for me as well, I would welcome your help with my fundraising.
What are you wanting to do this year?
How might God and I root for you?